Friendship

Until now, I have been seeking for answers. What does friendship mean? Why do we have friends? What makes a friendship? What does it really mean to have friends?

Misunderstanding each other words can actually break a friendship. Can it? How are we to explain the misunderstanding if the other doesn't accept or understand the real meaning behind each words we mean?

What its like to have no friends or true friends? What's the difference anyway? Why does it upset us to lose a friend just in a click? But the most important thing is, why do we need to break the friendship instead of giving opportunities for explanation and leave the past in the past?

Why?

有个人 问了我， “你为什么不像见他？ 你为什么那么 恨他？ 那么不喜欢他？”

我不是恨。 也不是不喜欢。

是很心痛。。

I definitely will and I definitely can make it through.

Losing temper whilst knowing it was wrong to just lose it makes me realise things are not as bad if I have never throw my temper.

Everyday I am learning to control my frustration, stress level, anxiety, and all sorts of negative emotions, have me growing into someone who is physically strong, yet weaker mentally. Isn't it suppose to make you feel stronger overall? Do I need to express all negativity to make myself stronger? Or, do I need to cave them in me to make myself stronger in future situations?

All these are confusing to me. What are the support we need? Where, or how are we going to get the support needed? Family? Friends? Partner? Or an enemy perhaps?

I guess all of these depend on how strong our mentality is. And of course, how determined we are to change our perception towards the static goal.

I've made it through 24th February. I'm proud of myself.

There are so many things that I don't understand. I need answers.

I had enough crying to sleep. I'm tired of it.

No matter how many people have been into your life, there will always be one person who you will always think of almost everyday. And that person no longer acknowledge your presence. How depressing it is even if you try to shake it off and accept the fact. How worthless it is to wish for the stranger back into your life. How selfish a person can be..

I can't take this any longer. The more I convince myself I'm not weak, the weaker I am. I wonder, how long more can I take this? I always tell others "Accept, forgive, and forget. Main thing is to accept, forgive, and let it go." I'm being hypocrite. I can't even let go and fly free. I'm still dragging it and I hate it.

I despise myself.
I'm disgusted by me.