I am not angry. I am not being not happy. I am just wondering. I admit what I did was wrong. Now I am seeing what I did by you. It was my fault for doing it. Not that I am regretting it which some of my friends know I do not regret things, I am just realising that how wrong was I and why on earth I do that.

Right now, I can think for what you will feel, about the consequences and tolerate eventhough both of us wrong or I am wrong or you are wrong. Everything I want to tell, it did not mean by scolding. I just don't want to be rude to you. I just don't want to scold you or shout at you or scream at you. I just don't want to show my anger to you. Nobody has this from me except you. You never say sorry, I don't really mind. It's just that I don't feel good everytime I keep saying sorry eventhough I am not wrong. Not blaming you though and not saying you are wrong too. I know I am not suppose to think about all these stuffs but I have been keeping it to myself. I think for your feelings, but do you think about how I would feel too? Even some stuffs I never mention and you never mention and I know it is not what we want it to happen or didn't know it is like that, we just keep it and we never tell.

Asking myself not to think, don't simply think. When I go to bed, it is hard for me to sleep nowadays. Keep thinking about us. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep. Sometimes I smile to sleep. I haven't been sleeping well these days. I find it so hard to sleep. I am tired. I even secretly drink alcohol to cool myself which is a bad thing to do. I can't help it. I want to stop doing all this. I don't want to do something that will spoil my life, my health, my mind, my everything.

I am missing you every single day. I know I will be there soon to see you, to touch you, to feel you, but I have no idea why am I suffering missing you. It has been almost 2 months since you left and I am not used to it yet. Why? WHY??!!! Can you please tell me why? Closing my eyes trying not to think. Yes I did it. But, my tears roll down for I do not know why. *exhale* aahhhh

I don't know what to do right now. I have nothing in my mind but you. I want to ignore about all these. Trying so hard to. Trying as hard as I can....

1stly..

HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!!!!

TO MY DEAREST BOYFRIEND!!!! Hehe :D sayang sayang :P

------2ndly-------

I've finally made my decision. The FINAL decision. Taylors' College, MUFY programme in Melbourne. Not USFP anymore. Goodbye Sydney...*sobs* But, it is a better choice. And my brother doesn't allow me to stay with him -.-' Cause of his laziness, I cannot stay with him. FINE~~Wait till I turn 18 then I shall move out!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait to turn 18. FREEDOM!! in Australia. LOL

I.L.L.U.S.I.O.N.

I saw the woman and the child again tonight. This time, they were riding on a bike. I never noticed them until I saw the mirror in my car. They dissappeared as I turned. Left me wonder and looking for them. They were outside of my house too. Shined by the street lamp. It was the same situation years ago. Except, this time they were on a bike. What does this means? I don't understand. Maybe I am just thinking too much or maybe I am just tired.