Return to Taiping

2nd day in Taiping, I still have nothing else to do other than playing piano, computer, eat, exercise, sleep. No activities! And, I am feeling sleepy and tired!

I am missing Melbourne now. I wish I am still there. But, too bad so sad, I can't.

Friends!! I'm gonna rot like how I used to rot before I leave to Melbourne!

Anyway, I have food to company me before I meet my friends :D FOOod~~~ HAHAH

Sometimes, not all things that I understand I can explain it out. Not even in situation. I just need to absorb everything and keep it in mind. No use asking me whether I understand it or not because I understand. I will say I don't understand if I said "What?" "Come again?"

Why are you always saying I am not doing the thing that I am doing? I mean I know what I am doing or thinking but why do you say I am not doing or thinking? Whatever I do seems like a different outcome to you.

I guess that I have to learn the way you live instead of the way I live? I can do one. Not all.

I may have no limits in putting you after my friends but you are definitely more important than them. Not in actions but in mind.

Fixing it really need a long time. I am trying but you couldn't see it. Cause, I have been doing the same bloody mistakes over and over and over again. God, help me! I really wish I can fix it, like NOW.

I WISH~

- to go to Jay Chou's concert in March in MALAYSIA

- to turn back time

- there is video that shows our past

- to punch a wall

- to sit in the bathroom under cold running shower for as long as I can

- I can solve the problems I am having now

- to sleep whole day like 24 hours without any second of eye-opening

- to run as far as I can, as fast as I can

- to cry

- to scream

- to know what people think and feel

- to go back

Questions from YOU

Why did you even bother asking me all those?

"So, he is your best friend. Then I am..?"

"Who is ...." (I'm not going to write it)

Why on earth you want to know? I bet you already know the answer so why did you even care to know? I am not going to bring back the past in our conversations. I just want our conversations to be NORMAL like normal old friends.

A Post to Fill My Spare Time

I am going to have a busy, tiring week starting from Monday. God bless me please! Books everywhere, papers everywhere, notes everywhere in my room. Messy room I have but at least it was tidier than my previous rooms in Taiping ( HAH! SEE! I know how to handle things by myself! :P ) .

I was 47kg before I came here. WAS 47kg until yesterday when I checked. 49kg! :D hehehe I don't know whether it is a good news or bad news. But, what the hell, I don't care. I'll just eat and exercise like usual. Muahahaha! I am just aiming for myself not being underweight -.-' and a little bit muscular tummy :( I want my hard tummy back~ TRAIN!! hahahah

Weather here is getting warmer, except these 3 days. Raining like hell! 24 7! There was hail last night and I didn't get the chance to see them! Heard it was a hail STORM. lol wonder how stormy it is. Hopefully it will be sunny and non-rainy next week then I will have better life in college. OHYA! It will be the last week of my 1st sem! Then the biggie exam. *sobs* Will be home 19 days after my exam :) I don't feel the urge to go back though. IF only I can choose not to go back, but I can't. I have the open ticket. ggrrrrr So, left me no choice :(

I might be going to Thailand..or Taiwan with my dad. HAHAH I have no idea my dad wants to go. He just called me randomly and said "Bring your winter coats when you come back malaysia. We might be going to Taiwan." And for a second, I thought Malaysia's gonna have winter. HAHAHAH IMPOSSIBLE

Alrighty! Time to head back to books! Toodles! :)

S.T.O.P.T.A.L.K.I.N.G

Just SSSSSTTTTTTTTTOOOOOOOOPPPPPPPPPPP talking. I will appreciate it. I already said I dont want to think about this now and you still continue talking about this. I dont want to add another matter to worry about in my brain! I'm already so pissed off already. Don't have to make me more pissed!!!!!!

I.A.M.A.S.P.O.I.L.T.K.I.D.

Sometimes I just do not understand what is wrong with them. I tried making things easier, better, more perfect, but in the end, nobody wants to follow it. And when I followed what they want and I screwed it up, I get scolded by them. It is not like I never told them my better idea that will not make a big fuss. I did told you all that I wanted that because it is better and blablabla and did you all listen???? I've said before if I blow it, DON'T find me and scold me. But what happened? I got scolded for the thing when I blew it. What is the point? Isn't it better if you all just let me have that thing before hand and I can even save your money? What is making so hard for you to say YES? Not like you spent very little before this. Getting that a little extra is not comparable than what you got. You spent over the limit but I won't. You may say I am a spoilt kid trying to use dad's money like water. You may say I am getting worse. You may say I am carefree. You may say I am rebellious. You may say I am a pest. I DON'T CARE.

I just plan a better thing for me. IS IT WRONG??????????????????? I just plan a better thing that makes everyone's life easier. IS IT WRONG????????? Even if I have no stress from my work, you all give me stress!!!!! Making so much fuss that I do not even want to have!! Since when will I have any suggestions made by myself??? I have grown up!!!! At least I am not as bad tempered as you! At least I am more tolerate than you! I look like I don't know how to control but I DO KNOW. Sometimes, not all things can be shown from me that I can do. Not like you know me well. None of you know me well AT ALL. Even when you all say you know me very well, I don't think so. You all never try to know me. What the hell? Just dump me aside then !!!

I did not get what I wanted since years ago from you all and that is so important for a kid. Without it, the kid goes hey-wire. And that kid is me. And the thing I have always wanted is happiness. Don't you all realize how important your role is? I learn so many things by myself. I experienced so many things cause of you all. And I am just trying to make things right but NOBODY ever listen to this girl's voice because you all treat me as a kid that knows nothing and invisible!!!!!!!!! Ever thought what I will feel?? You ask me the same question but do you ever though what I will feel for years??????????????????????????????

I AM DONE WITH ALL OF YOUR DEEDS. LET ME MAKE ME DECISIONS!!!! AT LEAST SOME OF IT!!!!!