Confusing Thoughts

I've no idea, why am I feeling so blue suddenly. What am I thinking about? Who am I thinking about? What am I worrying about?

Sometimes, I really feel like letting everything out. Just that, I don't know how to and where to.
I had a great time playing badminton with Jerusha, Wan Dee, and Grace. I was really happy, meanwhile tired. But, after packing our stuffs to go home, I feel so miserable. Felt like the umbrella that is protecting me from getting wet by the rain is gone. Felt like the sky blocked the sun and therefore, no sunlight to shine on me. Eventually, my world is full with darkness, sadness.

I want to cry out. I want to shout out. What are friends for? What is boyfriend for? What is trust for? I feel like I'm a fool being such a good friend for friends while they are not even treating you a one. I'm prepared to be a real friend for them. They are not. I'm missing all those good moments, good memories that I have with them. Going for parties, walking in Taiping Town, sitting in McDonalds laughing, talking, having fun. Now, we still do that. But, it feels different than what we have last time. They are all backstabbers. Spilling out each others' secrets when they are suppose to keep them till they die. These are not friends. They are not the real friends that I wish for. These are friends that always dissapoint you, make you cry, make you angry, make you sad. Never satisfy you as a friend.

Where are you when I need a shoulder to cry on? If only I could, I would run out of the house or even cycle out of the house just to go out with you. Just to go out ANYWHERE. Even alone I don't mind. Just to find people, or whatever. But I can't. I always wanted to hug someone when I don't feel good, don't feel happy. I have no one to.

Why am I feeling so miserable with my life? Come on! It's 2010 already. Get a new life!
That is what I keep telling to myself. It didn't work. I just gotto keep on..trying? haha Try till I'm exhausted.