Hold Me In Your Arms

No idea why I wrote "hold me in your arms" as the title for this post. Currently listening to it. It is sang by Pixie Lott, the singer that sing "Mama Do" in case you people out there don't know.

Let me copy some parts from the lyrics of that song :

And he says

"Don't you know I love you,

Don't you know you're beautiful"

He says"

Everyday is special,

you have made me believe"

Hold me in your arms

'Cause I'm falling

Hold me in your arms

While we're sleeping

Hold me in your arms

Dreaming of soft cotton clouds

I feel close to you now

Dreaming of candy and chocolate

All the bad girls not allowed

And he says as he thinks I'm sleeping

He whispers

"Girl, you are the one,

Never thought I could feel this way,

Girl, you made me believe"

Though I'm a little scared

That all the times we shared

Almost too perfect to ever last

And when I'm lying here

And you are holding me

I know the fear in me will pass

Hold me

And of course, some of the parts up there are what is in my mind. I can never imagine myself staying here, waiting for every year to end. Have to wait for 3 years. Three ass years.

I don't have the rights to choose what's best for me. Even in my love life, I cannot decide it by myself. I have very little things that I really wish and want to do it by myself. What I want to do, where I want to go to study, who I want to be with. But, my dream is fading away. Its like mist. At first, you'll see a very thick one. And slowly, it becomes thinner and thinner. The mist represents my dreams, my faith, my hopes.

You can't control my mind, my life, my wish, my wills. I have my own thoughts. I deserve to choose some parts of the life that I want. For example, choosing a boyfriend. I'm the one dating a guy. Not his family. I'm the one choosing who makes me happy. You don't have to give me warnings. All of it are poops. I will not give a damn. I will keep breaking your warnings. I don't care whether you will beat me till I die or whatever. I'm just doing the right thing for MYSELF.

Choosing where I want to study, it's my choice. I follow my own mind, my own way, my own path. I follow myself. I don't follow people. People might say I'm so lucky. Get what I want. Why they say so? Cause I'm the only girl in this siblings? I'm daddy's girl? Bullshit. I never get things that I really want. Wait. What am I saying? They don't even know what's on my mind, what feelings I'm having, how are they supposed to know what I really want for myself?

I'm done with all those tears I've shed. I'm done crying. I'm done waiting. I'm too tired. I'm too hurt to feel the tiredness. I feel like giving up. A lot of times. I keep telling "Just go with the flow" but I'm afraid of what will happen next. Waking up everyday, wondering what will my day be? How's my luck for today? How happy will I be today? How sad will I be today?

Without you, I don't know where I'm heading. Have no idea. You're the defination of my life. I cannot live without you by my side. Not even 8 hours flight away.