S and S

Why do you have to appear in my life? Why do you have to make me scared of you? Why do you have to make me scream? Why do you have to make me cry? Why do you have to make me get scolded? Why are you in this earth? Why are you still breeding endlessly? Why do you have to disturb me? Go away go away go away go away go away dissappear!!!!!!!!

I am a Heartless Person

Ooh yea I am. But I'm still breathing still talking = still alive. Unbelievable.

I went out to dinner with my dad, in Prima. There's 3 ladies or women, 1 with guitar, 2 with something else, papers and cards I think. They came to my table. 1 lady or woman put a card on the table and say something in English but I don't understand. I look at the card. It says "Help the children in Need" and I heard the lady or woman said "charity" or something. That's the only thing I could hear -.-' My dad wouldn't want to. I couldn't donate any. I'm still YOUNG. 17 going to 18 ONLY. I have no money. So I said "No, we're okay. No thank you." WITH A SMILE!!
Guess what she said???
"OH MY GOD! HEARTLESS PEOPLE!!"

HELLO???!!!!! I DID CHARITIES TOO OKAY?????!!!!!!!!!!! I DONATED FOOD, CLOTHES, MONEY TOO OKAY??????????????? -.-'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''

If I am the heartless people you're talking about, I won't be say "No, we're okay. blablabla" and I won't be sitting on the chair at the table with my eyes open and with a smile on my face.!!!! GET IT???!!!!!!!!

God, it is not that I do not want to help by donating money, plus, my purse has only RM1. If I hand that RM1 to that lady or woman, what will she even say?
"a?????only 1??????oh my god..."
That's the only sentence that I could think of -.-'

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Secret Garden - Always There

Browsing through your pictures and it makes me wonder as my iTunes' playlist was playing "Always there".

You are there when I most need you
You are there so constantly
You come shining through,
you always do
You are always there for me

Not to say it's 100% not true. But, yea, you weren't here when I most need you. You weren't here so constantly. You don't come shining through my day when I need you. You don't always do. And, you are not always here for me. Maybe you read this you'll feel not happy about it. It just came through my mind. Cause I was thinking, "hmm..when is the time he'll be here when I'm suffering, stressing, angry, bad mood, or whatever?" So, flashback.

- Form 4, when I was crying like waterfall cause of her. That also like er..for a while.
- My application..failed..in genting. You were not there when I got the news. So, it didn't count.
- When I bang someone recently, but it was just a call -.-'
- Recording for my audition (this's the only fullest of need I got from you)

Maybe there's more but I couldn't recall much about it.

When I got disturbed after tuition (last year), wanted to tell you but you were hmm..do not want to bring it up cause it involves someone else.
When I argue with my dad for you, you were somewhere in town.
When I need someone to talk to, you were busy.
When I'm in a bad mood, I waited for you until the bad mood is gone. So, it became restless when I talk to you. Maybe that makes you feel not happy recently with my msges. Sorry for that :(

But, actually, I need you all the time. I am greedy. I know. You are too. I shall not be too greedy to have you with me all the time. So, nevermind.

Surprisingly, I did not miss you that much as I did for the past few weeks. Was making myself busy you see. Trying not to make myself miss you that much cause it makes me extremely lazy. Lying down on bed, play computer, lying on sofa just to think of you. But today, I spent hours on piano. And house chores (goodie girl). Then I realised I wasn't thinking much about you.

Here I am now, sitting in front of computer. Fine... Miss you already :( and you're sleeping. So early today. That's a different thing. And again, no reply when I msged. I know I didn't reply you in skype cause I was playing piano. Hey, I msged you directly after I read your msg. But no reply :( Maybe you're asleep already. Nevermind.

GOOD NIGHT!!!

ps : Don't get mad of me after reading this. Just a little part of how I feel.

I feel like pulling that particular someone's each body parts. PIECE BY PIECE!! ps : sorry God for me having this sinfull thought.

Is it a wrong thing for not talking to you? You were the one who didn't want to talk to me, like will never. I wished you a lot of occasions and that is already a polite thing for me to do and yet you were the one didn't give a damn about it. And now? I got it from someone for not talking to you when you came my house just to visit my dad. Ass you! I wasn't being rude to you. You were rude for not replying at least a THANK YOU will do. I did talked to you when you stepped into my house (although just 3 4 words but still did) but you MUMBLED like you were praying I do not know what. AIN'T MY FAULT!!!!!!!!

And Papa, I wasn't being like Mum. You didn't even know what was the real situation and you accused me for not talking to him. Not my wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT MINE!!!

SPM Result

Well, I won't tell it here. I do not want people to think that I'm boasting it. But, of course, not straight As'. Obviously -.-' Well, some of my friends didn't get good result. So, actually, I'm sorry to hear that. Didn't mean to discriminate you all here but I didn't mention name so I hope you'll understand. *big hug !!* It's over now. There's no need to be sad about it. Although some of you say my result is satisfying enough, yea true, unexpected, got happy, got excited, but hey, my english is still BAD alright? So, I'm not that happy after I know about my english. It's bad. For me.

Anyway, congrats to all SPM 2009 students that score good results :)

Bye bye SPM. It's the past now. No longer the present. GOODBYE !!!!

I am not sure what is your purpose on doing 2 jobs when you know you're going to fail your exam. Maybe you do it for me. But, she said its not. I don't know. I am sorry for you wasting your money to rent room for months but in the end I'm not there. Plus, wasting your energy and time to work, go to Uni, and bla and you non-stop complaining how tired you are but you still do not want to stop working. I don't know why.

I love my brother :(
I miss my brother :(

I know they do a lot of things for me, help me, advising me like hell but I do dumb stuffs that make their temperature raise up to 100 degree Celcious.

Right now, I am just hoping that whatever things you did, I will make it worth it.

Hopefully -.-'

Dog . Result .

I saw a dog in my neighbourhood while I was driving. It was a house dog, though I don't know what breed it is, but now it is a guard dog. It is white before this. Perfectly white. Beautiful. The owner bathe it but now no more. It is full with mud. Looking sad and old. So pityful. I feel like taking it home (but it's too big) and bathe it, take care of it but dad wouldn't let me :(

The current house dog is a big dog with its body covered with LONG fur (again, I don't know the breed name). Look so elegant. But the white dog is no longer an elegant dog. I wish I can take it home, badly :(

........................................................................................................................................................................

Finally, the doom day for the SPM 2009 students has finally arrive -ING. Before this, a lot people gave different dates. Now, finally our smart government gives us the REAL EXACT date.

11th of March 2010

So, shall wait and see. Plus, I have no idea what am I feeling now. Nervous, scared or panic. I do not know. I am just speechless~

"Where is your mother?"
- "At home"

"Why is your mum not out with you?"
- *smile and gigle* OR
- "Mum's not in taiping."

"You are not staying with your mother?"
- Hmm *smile and giggle*

"Your mum not at home?"
- Outstation

A lot more. Do not want to list it out. Part of it is here. Do not want to talk about it.

All the answers are fake..wrong...whatever..

I do not know where she is or what is she doing so i just lye. For?

S.A.T.I.S.F.A.C.T.I.O.N.

I do not like it when people ask me about her.

I do not want to know nor hear what people want to say about her.

To be more accurate, I do not want to know nor hear anything about the problems running in my family.


PROBLEMS!!GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!